


Time Traveller Kakashi

by Meiyaki



Category: Naruto
Genre: A buttload of trauma with no way of dealing with it, Bad Writing, Fix-It of Sorts, Icha Icha Series, Kakashi being Kakashi, Mild Humour, Not centered around romance, Read at Your Own Risk, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, Time Travel, Time Travel Fix-It
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-15 06:48:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29555169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meiyaki/pseuds/Meiyaki
Summary: “Curse porn.”While Kakashi was fighting Madara along with the rest of his team who were the last humans on earth, he tripped over his porn, broke his neck and died. And then he travelled back in time.Well, at least Time Traveller Kakashi was better then Friend Killer Kakashi.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 55





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer, Nothing belongs to me unless I say so, everything that you recognise belongs to their original owner, blah, blah, swearing, violence, porn, mentions of porn, Kakashi being Kakashi.

**_"Oh, I died by tripping over my porn."_ **

**_-Kakashi Hatake_ **

You know the one time in life where your lie depends in the next thing that happens but then you fuck it all up?

Kakashi knew that all too well.

"Chidori!" He shouted along with his student as they charged at the one and only hot ass fuck, fangirl drool worth Madara.

You guys know Icha Icha right?

Well, his precious book was still in his pocket.

And then it fell.

.

.

.

Kakashi tripped

.

.

.

.

And turned into a motherfucking angel who gave out free cookies and wore pistachio green suits and rode on unicorns and-

No.

He tripped over his porn, snapped his neck and died.

This, ladies and gentleman, is the story of how Kakashi Hatake, son of The White Fang, an S rank Ninja and the leader of team 7 died.


	2. Chapter 2

  
  
  
Kakashi was a man who was not often taken by surprise.

Those times when he was he either hid it extremely well or they never happened.

He had seen many weird things in his life as a shinobi. For example, one time when team 7 was still together Naruto had somehow gotten drunk (he was an extremely light drinker) and he had claimed that he was married to ramen.

He was actually serious and an entire wedding would have happened if not for a drunk Sakura interfering and saying that ramen was already married to her and that he would have to marry something else.

Strange, but not entirely impossible.

And that time when Minato decided that it would be a brilliant idea to try and shove a literal stick up somebody's arse.

And that time when he saw the Third Hokage twerking in front of his mirror.

How he met up with Gai but Gai was wearing a pink tutu with a very badly made tiara complete with the book on how to Learn to be a stripper.

It got to the point where he almost couldn't be surprised anymore.

Almost.

He was surprised when he had tripped over his porn while the world was ending, when everyone, except for team 7 and a few others were alive. They were fighting Madara, he tripped over his porn, broke his neck and died.

Fun.

and then woke up as a child again, screaming his lungs out in front of his dead father's corpse. Which was, you know, fun as well until he realised,

_Oh, this isn't fun._

So he stopped like any normal traumatised small boy would.

He didn't even know why the fuck he was crying.

Kakashi went ahead to bury the body, like last time and washed the floor, like last time.

He didn't start bawling, like last time. Instead, he raised his hand and pulsed his Chaka, drawing it in and the spiking it out.

The Genjutsu did not break.

Kakashi tried again, an again until he accepted that this was not a Genjutsu, he immediately got a mini panic attack and started freaking out.

Not that anyone would have noticed.

At first he couldn't think of a reason why this was happening, it took a few moments before he came to a bizarre and an impossible solution.

Yet as bizarre and impossible it was, it was one of the only few that made sense.

Perhaps he travelled back in time?

Impossible.

But...

Kakashi shook his now teenage head furiously. Stick with one theory, add on to it and if it does not work, forget it.

He, like last time, went to sit on the couch but not because he was in shock and needed a place to sit, no, he went because Kakashi Hatake needed some serious thinking time.

___

Kakashi woke up a few hours later and screamed.

___

He had graduated from the academy already, done the shit he was meant to already and now he was already meeting Minato.

Sweet, lovable Minato. Someone who lighted up the world when all hope was lost. Like Naruto did.

Except Naruto probably did a way better job.

_Shush, child, don’t compare the two._ He scolded himself.

Kakashi stared at Minato, his father figure, his sensei, someone who gave him advice and comforted him and showered him with as much love as Minato could spare while remaining professional.

Which was a lot.

Again, Kakashi saw Minato's corpse, that dried, ugly blood on his stomach and that big, ugly hole. The open eyes, blue and once so fun of light, so dull and bleak at death.

And the smell of rot, ew.

His imagination than decided to make Minato rise and start tap dancing which was disturbing. So he stopped thinking about tap dancing corpses.

"I..." He started but then closed his mouth. 

Not that Minato knew that as Kakashi was wearing a mask.

Minato took this as a gesture that Minato himself needed to introduce himself first. So he did.

Minato smiled at him, unknowing of what was going through Kakashi's mind.

"Hello Kakashi-kun, my name is Minato, Minato Namikaze." He said cheerfully, giving a tiny wave.

Looking at him, you wouldn't know he had killed 1000 people in 30 seconds all Jonin level accidentally once.

Minato gave Kakashi a smile and his yellow hair literally sparkled in the sunlight like Naruto's always did. His eyes twinkled like Naruto's. And Dumbledore’s. Except he was not meant to know who Dumbledore was so ignore the last part please.

“N-Nice to meet you, Namikaze-san." He rushed out, fidgeting, would Minato do some creepy legilimency thing and know what was bothering him immediately and fix it? ... probably not.

How did he time travel anyways? He was beginning to think he was incapable of dying, Was dying even possible for him? When he turned 189, would he still look 30?

"Just call me Minato or Minato-sensei, Kakashi-kun." He said cheerfully. He smiled again at Kakashi as if he didn't know whether the boy was going to break out in a panic attack, kill someone, run away or all three.

Kakashi wanted to kill someone. Namely Zetsu.

And Madara.

And everyone else he hated. Like Danzo.

And Kabuto.

And McPorn.... not so much the last one, though.

"O-Okay, Minato-sensei." He said.

Ew, stuttering, could this day get any worse?

It could, unfortunately.

Kushina, lovable, caring Kushina who resembled Naruto in personality, Kushina who mothered him, Kushina who included him, Kushina who made life more bearable with Minato when it got too hard.

Kushina was here, carrying that same lunch basket she always did.

(Later, his team would destroy it and half of Konoha was wrecked as Kushan had gone on a temper tantrum.

It would have sandwiches that tasted absolutely heavenly and later on, have eggplant in them when Kushina found out about his favourite food after stalking him for 82 hours. He hasn’t known she was stalking him until way, _way_ later.

And when Rin and Obito came, there would be dango for Rin and include extra tomato because Obito liked tomatoes the same way Sasuke had.

And on the days when she felt like staying and watching, there would be a cup of instant ramen, the same type Naruto loved in it.

And when she didn't come because she was on a mission, she made sure that Minato carried the basket with food.

Kakashi stared at her with wide eyes, not even bothering to stop the tears.

Welp, fuck.

Curse porn.

No, he did not mean it.


	3. Chapter 3

  
Kushina had been so excited to be meeting her boyfriend's- not fiancees (yet), as people often mistook them for, boyfriend's new student.

Minato loved kids, and had wanted to be an academy teacher or something when he himself was in the academy and helped out with the younger kids. It was like, his one goal in life for all of two days before realising he wanted to help out in the front lines more to protect Konoha.

This was just a trial, this new kid, Kakashi might hate Minato and the world might die if Minato taught Kakashi.

But Kushina was excited for Minato, she showed up at the place where they were supposed to meet with a basket full of food and-

_KakashiNarutoObitoRinDeathKyuubiKurama-_

Kushina shook her head, took in the sight of the poor kid filling up with tears, for like, literally no reason at all, freaked out and leant down to hug Kakashi.

He had the look in his eye, the one she herself had when she broke down over Mito's death, the haunted look that screamed of a traumatised person and death.

What was she to do?! Why was the kid crying, 'ttebane?! Was she really just that bad with kids that-

"Curse porn."

"What?"

There was silence as the kid wiped at tears and Kushina stared at Kakashi and Minato looked pale.

"Curse porn."

There was complete silence now, Minato stared at him, Kushina, him, Kushina and backed away as Kushina turned angry.

After 10 minutes of raging at Minato for exposing the kid to porn in just a few minutes, she finally turned to Kakashi.

No wonder Kakashi was traumatised and had 'The Look!'

She was so leaving Minato for this!

If this was the type of behaviour Minato showed when she wasn't around than he wouldn't be a good father at all!

Hypothetical father, that is.

Hypothetical.

Completely hypothetical. She was not ever going to have a child, children were icky, even ones that were named after ramen toppings.

You know what? If they ever had a kid- hypothetical, of course, he or she would be named after a ramen topping.

"Minato, how dare you! We're o-"

"NO!"

It wasn't only Minato who had said that, it was Kakashi too.

The two Jonin turned to Kakashi, cocking their heads in unison in question.

"Minato-san didn't give me the porn, Kushina-san. You see, I discovered it one day when I was lost on the path of life."

Kakashi thwacked himself on the head multiple times before turning to face the two again and wondering if he could cast a Genjutsu to make them forget the last few minutes.

What a stupid excuse.

Nah, he didn't think he had learned Genjutsu of that kind yet, didn't Sasuke have something like it though? Or was it Itachi?

Well, whatever.

And with the power of love for porn, he reversed time with the help of whatever and his luck for getting out of impossible situations and to-

"NO!"

The two turned to him, head cocked in a questioning pose in unison.

"I discovered it on the path of life." He said solemnly, nodding as if it solved everything. He than grabbed the basket, pulled out his inner charm and ate the food.

___

So watching someone win by farting and doing it yourself is two different things, the former, you laugh at the person and the latter, you embarrass yourself, this is what Kakashi found out when sparing with Minato.

He was better than his past life self, how could he not be? With decades of experience under his belt and knowledge of the man's fighting style already, he was a force to be reckoned with.

Especially with the farts. 

___

**A FEW MONTHS LATER IN WHICH KAKASHI GAINED MORE FANGIRLS AND CRIED FOR HIMSELF**

___

"KYA! KAKASHI-KUN"

_Your alliteration sucks._

Kakashi sighed and decided to not turn around and face his ever growing hoard of fangirls, oh boo hoo hoo, how he missed those days when he laughed at Sasuke escaping his hoard of teenage fangirls with raging hormones.

There was a reason there was so many fangirls inside the Academy, puberty started early for ninjas, something to do with the chakra.

Well, whatever, Kakashi ran up to his poor, random civilian that just happened to be there and did this transformation jutsu which, instead of transforming himself, transformed the other guy and shoved him away for him to be devoured by the growing hoard of fandemons.

Wait, what?

Fangirls of course, why ever would he say Fandemons? 

Running on the rooftops, he didn't trip on a stray tile, like the sophisticated time travelling ninja he was and went to his apartment which was just around the east side of Konoha where Minato and Kushina lived as well.

He was 'meeting' Rin and Obito today.

Obviously he had to show up with style, so, he took an hour longer than he usually needed for getting ready. 

Arriving on the designated meeting spot, he saw Obito panting like he just ran a race with an 1000 pound Rhino on his back. He obviously had just got there.

Minato-sensei raised an eyebrow but decided not to ask Kakashi as to why Kakashi was late which was smart of him as Kakashi would either lie or avoid the question or spin some story about how he was from the future and everyone had died and he had died by breaking his neck by tripping over porn.

While fighting a reanimated Madara.

With his team which had an Uchiha with the hairstyle of a duck's arse, Minato himself's son who used talk-no-jutsu every time he faced an enemy and a civilian fangirl with unnatural pink hair.

Utterly unbelievable but he didn't say much about it, there wasn't enough light hearted people in this world.

Minato smiles and claps his hands brightly, as if he didn't just stand without moving a single bit for three hours straight because two certain people decided it would be a great time to arrive late

Using the standard introduction: Name, likes, dislikes, hobbies and goal for the future, he starts off.

"My name is Minato Namikaze!" He says cheerfully, clapping his hands and giving them his most blinding smile. "I like spending time with my girlfriend, I dislike people who harm my family, my hobbies are training and my goal for the future is to become Hokage!"

The boy with black hair named Obito immediately gaped and exploded.

Everyone died. 

The End.

.

.

.

___

No, just joking.

___

The boy with black hair named Obito immediately gaped and exploded, "WHAT!? I'm going to become Hokage! Just you wait! You ain't getting the hat before me!"

Kakashi looked amused, nostalgic and fond. That was weird but Kakashi often looked like that to complete strangers, like Dai's son, Gai.

He had convinced Gai that he was 'hip' and a worthy eternal rival somehow without actually saying those things and the two had gotten into an intense game of rock paper scissors. And also the time he looked at a grumpy duck. 

The first was weird, the second weirder but Minato had learned long ago to just not ask Kakashi, he either pulled out a crappy excuse like 'I did it because I wanted to get lost on the path of life,' give him a headache or pull the time travel story out of his arse.

Rin Nohara, a civilian girl who had abnormally good chakra control looked fondly exasperated at Obito. Minato smiled gently at the girl to show that he wasn't offended and turned to Obito to gesture for him to say his introduction.

"My name is Obito Uchiha and I'm going to become the Hokage!"

There was silence as everyone waited expectantly for the rest of the introduction, when it became clear it wasn't going to come and Obito was getting uncomfortable of those shrewd gazes directed towards him, did Minato finally take pity and gestures for Rin to start.

"My name is Rin Nohara," She began, tone polite. "I like my friends, I dislike it when people get hurt and people hurt others, my hobbies are practicing Iryo-ninjutsu and learning about Ninja arts of all kind and my goal for the future is to live to see peacetime."

"Admirable, Rin-chan!" Minato said cheerfully and gestured for Kakashi to say his part.

"My name is Kakashi, I like eggplants. I dislike reanimated near gods who corrupts little boys thought to be dead and tries to make the entire world fall under a genjutsu and making some dude travel back in time to save the world. My hobbies are reading porn in broad daylight, making people uncomfortable and being a complete dick, my goal for the future is to stop the said god from accomplishing his goals, save some certain people and maybe save the world once or twice while I'm at it."

There was silence.

"Oh, and I hope to get a team with sensei's future son, a pink haired civilian girl and a Uchiha who has a horrible taste in clothing and hair styles." He added idly, inspecting his fingernails in a show of nonchalance.

Minato coughed and spluttered because he was never going to have a son as much as he wanted to have a son- hypothetical son, that was.

Obito gaped at Kakashi and in true Obito style, he said:

"BE MY ETERNAL RIVAL-"

Nope, not happening.

What really happened was that Obtio challenged Kakashi to a fight. It was completely logical as everyone knew one had to challenge another to the fight when they declared they were going to save the world.

Rin sighed and Minato said no.

"Hell naw."

So maybe it isn't exactly no but it didn't matter either way. Minato continues.

"Alright, team! We're going to do a team exercise!"

Kakashi knows what comes next.

"It's simple! All you have to do is get a bell from me!"

Rin, beautiful, loving Rin, points out the obvious. "Sensei... there's only two bells."

Kakashi clapped. "Astute and excellent observation, Rin-chan. Really. Honest. Why ever would I be lying." 

Thankfully, Minato spoke up over Kakashi. 

"And astute and excellent observation, Rin-chan." Minato said, voice dripping with earnestly. The bastard probably meant every word too. Or somehow forced himself into believing it. Kakashi wouldn't be surprised if it was the latter.

“You see, you need to get the best from me, the one who doesn’t get the bell will be s-“

Kakashi has used a version of replacement jutsu where, instead of replacing himself, he reached out with his chakra to replace two flowers with the bells. He than duplicated one using magic or chakra or nen- whichever one was more believable and tossed the other two to his teammates.

“I think we passed that test, sensei.” Kakashi said sagely, nodding with all the wisdom he could summon up, which was none. Anyone who read porn in broad daylight had to have no wisdom, or so Naruto had claimed.

Personally, Kakashi thought Naruto was the one who had no wisdom, it was the only reason he would say something like that.

L O G I C.

Minato was startled for all of one second before snatching the bells back.

“Oh hell naw-“

And than the test began.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had no inspiration so I decided to just go with the flow, I’ll probably regret this chapter.

In the last chapter, we mentioned that Kakashi pulled a Naruto.

You may or may not remember though.

The test starts like this: Kakashi grabbing his teammates by the arms and teleporting them away. And to brag about his complete mastery of the sunshin- as any Shinobi I worth their kunai could tell when there is not any smoke caused by chakra left behind, he makes sure to erase all scent as well so it’s as though no one was ever there.

Thank Sage for the future. He wouldn’t have known the jutsu otherwise.

Predictably, Obito starts struggling and kicking and glaring and Rin just freezes up.

”Right, losers.” He says, uncaring of how arrogant he sounds. Sasuke used to do that to his team. It always gave off the impression he was giving them a massive favour by even deigning to be in their presence.

This works.

”This is so obviously about teamwork. I know because any shinobi worth their shuriken would have researched and known about the bell test.” Obviously, this is not true. “There are only two bells, Konoha needs a lot of man power, do you really think he would take on a _two_ man team?”

The last time, it had taken them around 30 precious minutes to work that out, 30 minutes too long.

He can see the logic going in Obito’s left ear and out the right one while Rin decides to prove that she is just as competent as she was in the last time. And than she proves that she understands Obito so well that she can convince him the jerk Obito has never seen before is correct.

Kakashi does not know how she does it and, let’s be honest, he doesn’t need to. All he has to do is keep acting like a dick and than say the opposite of what he wants Obito to do and Obito will do the opposite. Last time, it had taken him 5 months, 23 hours, 18 minutes and 5 seconds to figure it out.

What happens next should be obvious.

___

The short version is like this:

Kakashi started up the jutsu, Rin cast Genjutsu to muffle them and Obito started gathering up chakra for a fireball justu. The plan was simple. It involved-

“Are you sure we should just wing it?” Rin asked, not quite hiding her incredulous look. Obito and Kakashi nodded seriously. Obito did the jutsu, Kakashi charged forward, using chakra as a shield to avoid getting burnt, Rin cast a genjutsu in hopes of distracting Minato for just a second.

The three destroyed the training ground, well, two. Obito burnt all the grass, Kakashi destroyed the training ground and Rin sent a couple of kunai randomly.

Kakashi didn’t expect Minato to be caught, which was why he immediately spun around in hopes of kicking Minato, he saw the tell tale flash of yellow and he started to go down in a crouch and-

_pfffffffffffffttttttttttttttarrgghhhhhhhhffffffffuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhcrrrrrrrrrraaarrrrrrrrrrr_

went his butt.

There was silence. Minato began coughing from behind him and Obito stared at him like he couldn’t believe what he had just heard.

”No.” Minato says, blocking his nose and glaring at Kakashi. _“_ Just, _No_.”

Oh, Kakashi thinks. Shit.

___

Obito does not know how to feel about.... Bakashi? Bakashi was a weird name but he had no right to judge. Bakashi was a dick. He was a jerk. He was a pompous, arrogant asshole who needed to see a Yamanaka immediately. Anyone who farted in the middle of battle and managed to make weird noises while it happened needed to go to an asylum. Immediately.

 _Ah,_ Obito thinks. _A perfect new subject to practise my talk no jutsu and punch the shit out and cry on to make them see the light in a really dramatic way, preferably in a life or death situation._

Of course, Obito isn’t like that. Everyone knows he is too nice and innocent and ... cinnamon roll-y to think that evil, awful stuff so let’s backtrack to the pompous arrogant asshole bit.

Bakashi was smart though.

Was that really his name?

He groaned and rolled over to his side, curling up and hoping to feel less battered, it doesn’t make a difference. Blonde Demon, for how can their new sensei be _anything_ else, smiles at them with a warm smile that made him look like a normal human.

He wasn’t even sweating.

Beside him, Rin-chan was already healing herself with her amazing and cool healing jutsu and Bakashi was sitting up, curling into a ball and looking at a duck, muttering to himself about how it was so unfair Minato beat him even though he was mentally more mature.

Obito snorted to himself. Mentally more mature? Ha!

Rin-chan smiled at him, hands glowing green as she asked whether he wanted to be healed or not. Even though she had just been beaten up by a blonde demon, she still managed to look as cute as ever. Reflexively, he blushed and nodded, uncaring of the way that made him want to cry.

He was bruised all over. His torso was bruised, his head was bruised, his limbs were bruised, his hair was bruised, his bones were bruised, his nails were bruised, his clothing was bruised and his bruises were bruised.

 _Isn’t it funny,_ He thought, _How once you think of a word and repeat it for too long, it begins to sound like hogwash?  
_

Obito was pretty sure he did not know the meaning of bruised anymore. The word was just too... bruisy. Ish.

Before he knew it, he was healed, he smiled gratefully at Rin, even half dead and sweating, she was still so amazing and cute. Anyone who healed someone after going head to head with Blonde Demons were amazing. Of course, he had already known Rin was amazing, this just helped solidify this rule.

”Thanks, Rin-chan!” He said earnestly, blushing as she gave him another one of his dazzling smiles. She got up, movements graceful and purposeful and her brown hair was swaying in the wind, cut perfectly and neatly, just like everything else about her. Her beautiful eyes sparkled dazzlingly in the light and her purple tattoos just highlighted the fact that her cheekbones were gorgeous.

Not that he would ever say this aloud.

”Hm? Obito, did you say something?” Rin-chan asked sweetly.

”Uh.... nooo?” He asked. Surely he hadn’t said it! He had been doing such a good job of keeping his crush a secret! He has not given _anything_ away yet, why did his fat mouth have to ruin it!?

Blond Devil came to his rescue. “Your healing jutsu is really good, Rin-chan!” He said cheerfully, as if it was going to make him see, any less demon-ish.

Rin blushed. “Thank you, sensei.” She said. He felt a flash of jealousy. And than it was automatically overrun by his adoration. She was so nice! Even to the Blond Demon who had just half killed them!

Rin-chan was a good person. He decided. Not that he hadn’t already known that, it just solidified another one of the unwritten rules.

”Um, Kakashi-san?” She began, Obito frowned for a moment, who was Kakashi? It sounded a lot like Bakashi. “Do you want me to heal you? Not that I have to...” She trailed off uncertainly, blushing and looking down. He felt a momentary surge of anger. Who was this Kakashi? Why had he made Rin-chan embarrassed and afraid?! Rin-chan was looking down at the ground! Obito was going to mur-

“Yes please, Rin-san.” Said Bakashi.

...

Bakashi was Kakashi?!?!

”Hang on, but- but your name is Bakashi!” He shouted, jumping to his feet and pointing accusingly at Bakashi who was apparently Kakashi.

___  
  


Minato loved his new genin team, he really did, it was just that...

Kakashi was, eccentric, traumatised. Obito was hot headed, unable to read the atmosphere and in love with Rin. Rin was peaceful, in love with Kakashi and had no self esteem. If Obito found out Rin was in love with Kakashi, he would hate Kakashi. If Rin saw that Obito hated Kakashi, she would be torn and her self esteem would lower. Kakashi would feel more guilty if this happened, try and fix it to the best of his abilities and inevitably make it worse and Rin would try and solve it and Obito would stop the process of fixing it halfway to confront Kakashi and Rin would be torn again and her self esteem would lower more when she realised she wasn’t able to stop them and Kakashi would feel guilty and try and fix their relationship and...

Their combat styles would fit in perfectly, however. It was just....

Their personalities... clashed. A lot.

It was like this massive ticking time bomb.

He sighed inwardly. Obito disliked him and Kakashi. Rin was shy and Kakashi was... let’s not talk about the last one.

He would kill for a way to fix this.

And than Minato saw the solution. It was perfect. He would shove them off to Kushina. Kushina could corrupt Rin and make her badass, she would keep Obito in line and terrify Kakashi.

It was p e r f e c t. Except for one teeny, weeny problem.

You see, Minato was the father of Naruto, Naruto had this great, big hero complex and a determination to fix everything by himself.

Read the latter part of the sentence please.

This means that Minato had to come up with another solution. Did he want to make the three into a love triangle? Or tell Kakashi to make Rin not fall in love with him? It was obvious.

Love triangle, let’s go!

But there was also a teeny weeny problem with that. He didn’t know the first things about romance, perhaps Jiraya-sensei could help him?...

___

Kakashi saw the look in Minato’s face. He heard Obito, felt the healing chakra from Rin and tried to decide which one to address first.

”You can call me Bakashi if you want, it’s not like I’m going to deny it.” He said. And than he addressed Minato. “Whatever you’re thinking. No. Bad. No. I’m going to tell Kushina it was you who ate the cookies.”

But it was too late.

”Kakashi-chan!” He said cheerfully, ignoring Rin berating Obito and Obito saying that Kakashi was weird. “Why don’t you and the rest of your team go eat together! As a team bonding session!”

He glared suspiciously at Minato.

”However, “ Minato went on, “I’m choosing the destination.”

And this was how, twenty minutes later, the team was sitting in a fancy restaurant with candles and roses and the whole shebang.

Minato was many things but subtle was not one of them.

The atmosphere was awkward, there was a lot of kissing noises and a few moans and a lot of couples and Obito tried his best to not look at any of those couples or Rin.

”...Did Minato-sensei ever say if we passed the test?” Kakashi asks, digging into his food. Awkward or not, food was food and food was life and butter.

Rin paled. “Did we fail?” She asked, toying with her dumplings.

Obito looked sick.

”Of we did fail, I’m going to become a writer.” He says. Rin perks up.

”What are you going to write about?” She asks.

This was the perfect chance to discourage that crush.

”Porn.” He says flippantly. Obito chokes but Rin looks confused. 

“Porn?” She echoes. Obito chokes some more and Rin and Kakashi both ignores him.

“Porn. Smut, lemon, se-“

”I NEED TO BECOME CONSTIPATED.” Obito yells. Kakashi pauses, he is sure that Obito was about to say something else. Rin sit

l doesn’t look like she knows what Kakashi is talking about, though that might just be a lie, she was always the best liar out of them all.

Half the restaurant looks at them and the other half laughs.

”Why?” Kakashi questions innocently. Eating food while not taking off his mask. Rin tries to not look to eager to see what is under there.

”I, uh, I mean...” Obito trails off, looking as embarrassed as only a person who announced they needed to become constipated in a room full of people could.

”Did you get jealous of my fart?” He questions. Rin chokes and suddenly, a lot of people looks interested.

”NO!” Obito squeaked in embarrassment.

”Denial isn’t good for you.” Kakashi says with the air of someone who knows everything. “It’s okay to be jealous, I’m a very jealousable person.” He explains.

Obito chokes.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please gimme criticism. Someone recently told me I have a bad habit of not putting in much scenery, narrator voice is too sarcastic and I have a bad habit of changing between third and second povs.
> 
> If my writing is shit, please lemme know.

It was a beautiful day, the sun was chirping and the sky was bright and the birds were blue. Everything was great. **  
**

"Yo, you have a mission."

So of course life finds a way to fuck you up ten times over in every way imaginable.

Kakashi doesn't know why Minato decided to set them up and to be honest? He doesn't really _want_ to know. Kakashi stares at Minato, wondering if the consequences and side affects of time travel has finally caught up to him, he hopes so. After all, this is only their fourth mission.

Sure, his team may be more physically advanced than last time, yeah, Minato might have trained them four times harder to due some offhanded comment made by yours truly that Kakashi was now regretting and perhaps every mission they had completeted was nothing short of exemplary but are they really ready?

Kakashi doesn't have mental health problems, he really doens't. Or maybe he does and he's so good at self denial and lying that he has somehow convinced himself he doesn't.

Konoha has a great mental health care system, it's great, it has to be when you have more than a hundred shinobi who has for more than a fair few years and has no small amount of jutsu that is the definition of destruction just wandering around, traumatised, on guard and not exactly the most sane. You have to when there is defenceless cilvillians and children and fragile buildings lying around.

The problem was? Most shinobi disn't let themselves be helped.

And that just made things harder for the therapists, but they couldn't really mind walk their patients and help them without their explicit permission cause that was just a hundred and one recipes for disaster.

The result was, Konoha had a buttload of traumatised shinobi and not a lot of people around left to deal with them.

Kakashi was one of them.

But at times like these, even Kakashi has to admit his mind has been cracked for a... not inconsiderable amount of time. So if he was having a little panic attack just at the words Kannabi bridge, well, it was his business.

Thankfully, that embarrasing moment passed quickly, Kakashi is used to hiding panic attacks and laughing them off, it's not the best coping mechanism but it gets him by.

It has to.

Right?

"Wrong." Rin says, Obito looks abashed, for a second Kakashi thinks that Rin can read minds before realising Rin is testing Obito on human bodies.

The question was: how many bones are there on the human body?

Obito would expect a shinobi to know tod information but Obito isn't exactly the defibition of normal- in fact, Kakashi would even go as far as to say that Obito, even though he was only a shadow of Kakashi's Obito- was not normal. And no, we're not going to talk about what Kakashi meant by his Obito because that would mean delving into his mental state and nobody is ready for that. Least of all him.

"Er, 284?"

Minato decides to take pity on them and stop droning on about their mission report in great detail. They're at a training grounds they didn't have a usual one, they destroy places too fast for that.

"You know what you three should do?" He asks brightly, Kakashi tries not to show his alarm, out of the corner of his eyes, he sees that Rin is doing the same, neither wants to go through another one of Minato's increasingly ideas for dates, the last one involved giant killer bananas getting ready to take over the universe.

"Yes?" Obito, as innocent as ever, questions while trying- and failing- to not be obvious about his plain admiration for Rin.

"Go on a dissection bonding time! Or a boll party."

"Boll party?"

"Bones, Doll, Boll." Minato shrugs. Tilting his head as he looks up to the sky, clearly reminiscing and somehow not squinting away even though the sun was right above him.

Stupid genius prodigy.

"Dissection?"

"Oh!" Minato says, cheering up, "Dissection bonding time was one of my greatest memories! Honest! You have no idea how much dissecting corpses strengthens bonds with your comrades! Friending someone through blood and organs and gore does wonders for your social circle! It shrinks steadily as most of the time? You can't tell the difference between your friends and corpses and you end up committing homicide and-"

Kakashi starts to feign a coughing fit. He really doesn't want to hear about this more than he absolutely has to, doesn't want to shatter the image of Minato being sane and healthy, doesn't want to imagine the scene, doesn't want to hear it because it's _exactly_ what he did once when-

Obito looks grossed out.

"Gross, Sensei." Kakashi says, sticking out his tongue and tasting fabric, sometimes he forgets he has a mask on. Sometimes.

"Why do you have a mask, _Baka_ shi?" Obito demands, stressing the 'baka' bit as if he could offend him. 

"Why do you have hair?" Kakashi returns easily, brushing off the dig on his intelligence easily. Obito blusters and proceeds to make up some random reason about pasta.

Rin listened attentively and than gets a look which Kakashi recognises it for when Rin gets an idea to come up with a new, altered healing technique. There was a reason she was the top kunoichi.

Minato coughed, gathering their attention.

"So, about the mission..."

Kakashi groans and flops to the floor, _EVERYBODY DO THE FLOP_ going through his head as he does so. Obito went back to the quiz about bones and organs with Rin and Minato continued with his monologue.

It was a beautiful day.

___

Kakashi remembers exactly how it went wrong, exactly what he should fix and exactly how to fix it.

It's simple, really.

"Right, today, we're going to earn the title of being arsonists." He whispers.

He looks at his two teammates, Minato had gone to do his thing and Rin still wasn't kidnapped.

They're in a tree, it's a nice tree. It has leaves and barks and- oh shit- there was a kunai going straight for them.

"Obito, now would be an excellent time to activate your sharingan." He mutters as he does a circle thingy with his body in which he ducks, puts his left hand to the ground while simultaneously lifting his entire body up and proceeds to swing around, thus knocking some dudes feet off balance.

It's the invisible guy.

Obito sets fire to Mr McInvisible and Rin scouts the area for more people. There's a moment of silence in which all three listen to the hoarse cries of pain coming from the slowly burning man and the smell of burning flesh fills their noses.

Kakashi's eyes water, even the mask he wears for the sake of protecting his sensitive nose against strong smells doesn't help when he's this close up to a disgusting scent, he should get the seals upgraded.

Rin spits out some water from a handy water jutsu she got and puts out the fire, the three stare at the big hunk of charcoal that was once a human. 

Obito throws up.

Rin automatically sends healing chakra throughout Obito’s body to help him with the puking and once they’re done, they move on.

Weakness has no part in a shinobi’s life.

There is a strange sort of silence hanging around the group, Kakashi knows that Rin is meant to be kidnapped but he thinks that they have somehow avoided th-

A shadow lunges- multiple shadows- at them and adrenaline kicks in to help Kakashi do what he’s best at. Homicide.

Unlike the movies, fights are not long, not epic. It’s an enclosed space so most just uses kunai and shuriken and all the small jutsu. Kakashi uses one of the most underrated but useful jutsu taught.

The replacement jutsu.

Some dude lunges at him, kunai in hand, face devoid of all emotion and it’s only instinct and muscle memory that saves him from taking a lethal blow to the neck. He switches with one of the dude’s comrades and the dude kills his comrade instead.

Rin is barely holding on. Kakashi honestly doesn’t want to be rude but Rin was the weakest of the group.

Sure, she’s kickass at intelligence and healing but at the end of the day? Rin would lose on one on one combat any time.

So Kakashi runs over to help her.

When the fight is finally over, Kakashi stares at the bodies surrounding them and deflates.

Obito wasn’t dead, Rin wasn’t dead or kidnapped. It was going great.

And to make things better, he knows exactly where they are.

Rin gestures towards some place but Kakashi gestures towards somewhere else, when Obito looks like he’s about to argue, Kakashi reaches out to grab their shoulders and shunshins towards the bridge.

“Let out your inner pyromaniac.” Kakashi says because Obito looks like he’s itching to burn something.

He does and destroys the bridge.

Minato arrives, pristine and fresh and grins.

“What about a bonding session over hair?”

And even though Kakashi didn’t really understand what half of the stuff happened on the mission was and how things turned out like this, he still deflates and nods and grins.

Because he’s saved Obito.

And Rin.

And completed the mission.

And didn’t see a cave once.

...shit- Kakashi can’t believe he forgot about Madara. He frowns, was his memories slipping away? He tries to reach out, to grab the wisps and edges of his memory of his last loop’s mission and-

It, it.... it isn’t there.

He tries to ignore the feeling in his stomach as he considers the possibility of forgetting.

“Kakashi?” Rin inquires, holding out her hand.

Obito grins at him.

Huh, guess dissecting enemies (kinda) really did help with team bonding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was half asleep when I wrote this, I can’t be bothered to go over it, ew, feelings in this one, urgh.  
> I have no actual plot or stuff in mind for this story, this was originally meant to be a side story to focus on that had really short updates with a bunch of time in between while I focused on my main one but now it’s the opposite, urgh.  
> Help.  
> Anyways, hope you enjoyed, comment, kudos, bookmark and critisice!


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